


the one that howls inside your head

by gingerpolyglot



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Inspired by Hadestown, Inspired by Orpheus and Eurydice (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Lawful Neutral Hades, Season 5B Canon Divergence, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerpolyglot/pseuds/gingerpolyglot
Summary: "Do you trust each other?" Hades asks. "Do you trust yourselves?""We do," Emma says. Killian echoes her. Hades' smile grows."Tell me, have you ever heard the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice?" he asks.--In the Underworld Emma and Killian get offered a deal, with a twist. If they want to walk out of hell, they'll have to prove their faith in each other before gods and men.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 58





	the one that howls inside your head

**Author's Note:**

> This plays pretty fast and loose with 5B canon - it's basically 5B but with a more lawful neutral Hades, so some plot points are referenced and others are ignored entirely (looking at you, Hades/Zelena ship). 
> 
> Inspired by [Wait for Me II](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdtKPTawlTs) from Hadestown, which I highly recommend for the snippet of Patrick Page's magical voice if nothing else. As usual, a thousand thank yous to the Maple Syrup Mafia, especially [teacupsandsheepskulls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teacupsandsheepskulls), who listened to me talk about this fic for months and helped me edit despite have no context whatsoever.

The two of them stand before Hades, Emma's hand clasped tight in his. The Lord of the Underworld stares at them impassively from his throne, hands steepled in front of him.

"You understand my...dilemma," he says. "I can't just let you go - the dead are meant to stay dead. If I let you go, what's to stop everyone from coming down here and demanding their loved ones back? Besides, it takes a lot of power to restore someone to life. I can't just snap my fingers."

Emma and Killian remain silent, watching him warily.

"On the other hand, you've caused me quite a bit of grief. It's been a long time since anyone has been as troublesome as you," he continues. 

Hades stills, then leans back in his seat with a contemplative hum.

"Now there's an idea," he muses to himself. "The terms would have to change, but that could work." Hades looks back up at them with a gleam in his eyes.

Killian sets his jaw and squeezes Emma's hand tighter. Nothing good can come from this, he's sure of it.

Hades smiles at them, but his eyes remain assessing and cold.

"Do you trust each other?" he asks.

Emma and Killian turn to look at each other, then back at Hades.

"We do," they chorus. 

"Do you trust yourselves?"

Killian feels more than sees Emma hesitate for the briefest moment, but she glances at him out of the corner of her eye and he watches as her resolve hardens.

"We do," she says. Killian echoes her. Hades' smile grows.

"Tell me, have you ever heard the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice?" he asks.

Killian inhales sharply. He'd read the tragic myth while learning Ancient Greek in the Naval Academy. If Hades was suggesting...well, no matter. He'd ensure they learned from Orpheus' mistake. Beside him, though, Emma is shaking her head.

"What happened to them?" she asks, eyes narrowed and brows drawn together.  
  
"A musician found a muse and fell in love, but she died. He came down here, as you have, to try to win her back. I made them a deal, one I'm now offering to you," Hades says.

Emma tilts her head, brow still furrowed. "What's the catch?"

"No catch," Hades replies easily. "You can walk out of here with loverboy, no strings, no tricks. But you have to do it my way. You have to prove your faith in your love."

"Some versions of the myth say that Eurydice was never there," Killian interjects. He stares down the god while his mind whirls, frantically trying to remember any hints from the legends that might help them. "They say it was all a trick."

Hades scoffs.

"Bitterness and propaganda,” he retorts with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I told you, it takes a lot of power to restore someone to life - more than I have readily available. Belief and love are powerful magic. If you can perform a feat of both, it will give me enough energy to pull it off. Orpheus’ failure was twofold: he didn’t just fail to honor the terms of our agreement, the terms were predicated on him passing the test of faith. Even if I'd been willing to overlook the broken deal, I couldn't have given him back the girl without the boost."

"So you're offering us the same accord - we walk single file, and as long as Emma doesn't turn back before we make it out I'm free?" Killian asks.

"Not quite," Hades responds.

"What do you mean, not quite?" Emma demands hotly. "You just said there was no catch!"

Hades tuts. "Well it's not much of a test if you know all the answers, is it? I'm just...accounting for your extra knowledge. The rules are the same - you walk in front, he walks in back. He's not allowed to speak to you or touch you, and if you turn around before you're out of my domain he stays with me. You'll just have to...have faith."

Emma and Killian look at each other. Killian can read Emma's fear on her face, and he shares it. He's sure there's something Hades isn't telling them, but what choice do they have? He'll not waste a chance to be free of this place. Even if they don't make it, Emma will be safe. He's willing to accept any conditions if it means she can go home.

Emma stares at him, trying to read him as he reads her. Killian knows it’s not him that’s giving her pause. She'd literally walked into hell for him - he's confident she isn't afraid of letting herself love him anymore. 

It's believing in herself that she's worried about. She'd never been very good at that; it was something they had in common. In recent years they'd had each other to lean on, but the point of this was to force Emma to rely on herself and the strength of her convictions.

Killian can see the moment Emma decides in her eyes. He smiles gently at her, his own eyes soft, before they turn back to Hades. Emma lifts her chin defiantly, determination written all over her face. Hades surveys them silently for a moment then nods slowly.

"You'll know when you're back in the realm of the living. Remember, not a word, not a touch, no matter what," he says, then with a careless flick of his wrist they vanish in a swirl of smoke.

Hades stares pensively at the spot where the two humans had been standing until long after they’ve vanished.

Emma and Killian reappear at the entrance to a tunnel. The stone archway is wet and crumbling; ivy hangs over the mouth and creeps along the sides. A faint light emanates from within, but it's too dim to see properly. A rusted railway track runs through the center of the path.

"Don't turn around until you're certain we're both clear," Killian tells Emma. "That was Orpheus' mistake. He started to doubt that Eurydice was with him, and he turned around too early - he had made it out, but she was just far enough behind him that it was still too soon." 

Emma nods slowly, processing the warning. Then she squares her shoulders and takes a deep breath. She turns toward the tunnel, then pauses and turns back.

"I love you," she says. Killian smiles.

"I know, love. I have faith in you." It's Emma's turn to smile.

"I know," she echoes him. She bites her lip, then reaches for his lapels to pull him in and kiss him fiercely. Killian goes willingly, holding her as tightly as he can. They stay pressed together for a long moment before Emma steps away. She drinks him in one more time.

"I'll see you soon," she promises. Killian nods.

"You will," he agrees. 

Emma looks at him one last time. Then she squares her shoulders again, spins on her heel, and takes the first steps into the tunnel. Killian follows her, as he would to the end of the world (or time).

Killian realizes immediately that the seemingly ordinary - if vaguely ominous - tunnel must be imbued with some sort of magic: while footsteps echo strangely as they walk, he can only hear one set. He's confused before he remembers that part of Orpheus' doubt had stemmed from not hearing Eurydice behind him, and he recalls Hades' admonition that he remain silent. Killian clenches his jaw but keeps walking. Emma is far too clever to be taken in by such a simple trick.

They've been walking for perhaps a quarter of an hour when they hear the first of the voices. A child's voice calls out from nowhere and everywhere at once.

"Orphan!" it sneers. Emma startles and stops short; Killian nearly trips in his effort not to bump into her.

"You're just an orphan!" it repeats. Killian stares at Emma's back. He can just make it out in the weak light, barely bright enough to see the uneven ground. He sees her tense, and a few seconds later he sees her forcefully reset her shoulders. She takes a breath and then sets off again, slightly faster. Killian follows with trepidation. "Not quite," Hades had said. Killian has a sinking feeling he knows now what the god had meant.

Another voice, a teenage girl this time, says, "You'll realize the truth, Emma. You're just like the rest of us - all alone," but Emma doesn't stop this time. 

Someone asks Emma what she knows about family, and a woman who might be Regina questions Emma's fitness for motherhood. At the sound of the familiar voice, Killian squeezes his eyes shut. His suspicions were almost correct - but even he hadn't accounted for this cruelty. A derisive voice that pricks at his memory says "I actually almost liked you," and he hears Emma scoff. It makes him grin proudly for a moment - there's his tough lass. 

He grimaces soon after at the familiar din of the Lost Boys crying, but that at least is a sound he's very well practiced at ignoring. He hears Pan's voice saying something about Henry and orphans, then Henry himself but much younger telling his mother, "I thought you were different." Despite the harsh words it makes him smile to remember Henry as he was when he first met him, so far removed from the mature young man he’s become.

The smile is wiped off his face when he hears his own voice echo from the walls around them.

"Something that was once magical, full of hope, and possibility. Now look at it: dried up, dead, and useless - much like you." To her credit, Emma only jumps a little when she hears his voice before continuing on. Killian feels far more shaken.

Hearing his speech to Emma from when she was stuck in the Crocodile's cell is enough to make him sick, but his horror grows when he realizes that it means his words are not off limits.

Abruptly Killian recalls the second half of Hades' warning - in addition to remaining silent, he's not allowed to touch her. He can do nothing to reassure Emma that he's still here with her, or that his love for her remains steadfast. He hears himself say, "Just as I am done with you," and has to bite down on his fist to prevent himself from screaming in frustration.

Hades had said this was a test, and naively Killian had assumed that only Emma would be truly tested. In a way he was correct, but being forced to listen to what he presumes to be the worst heartbreak of Emma's life and be unable to comfort her was surely intended to torture him as well.

Another man with a kind but unfamiliar voice says, "Just so you know, you can change your mind," and Killian wonders what he's referring to until he hears a baby crying - he knows this story. He aches for that version of Emma, young and scared and heartbroken and alone.

More voices call out to them as they walk further and further into the tunnel. Killian flinches when he hears Baelfire's voice saying, "Look how good it looks on you." He doesn't have context for the compliment, but the hitch in Emma's breathing doesn't imply a happy memory.

A stern-sounding man tells Emma, "Sorry to tell you but your boy took off," and, "He called in a tip," and Killian remembers what she'd told him of how her relationship with Bae had ended. For a moment, hearing about Bae's cowardice, Killian had been sure his hatred for the Crocodile had been outmatched by that for his son.

A few minutes later another voice rings out. It's a man's voice, soft but firm.

"We're keeping our real baby, Emma. We can't keep you both," he says. Killian winces at the blunt words as he hears Emma’s gasp and catches a blur of motion out of the corner of his eye; he assumes she’s covering her mouth to stifle any other sounds, lest they be construed as breaking the deal with Hades.

Emma had told him the story of her first family after he’d shared the tale of his father’s abandonment. He hadn’t mentioned his reunion with his father or the discovery of Brennan’s new family, but he’d been struck once again by the similarity of their histories. At the time, he’d thought it was almost amusing how much their personal misfortunes mirrored each other, and he’d ruefully acknowledged that those parallels were what made it so easy for them to understand each other. Now, listening to the worst moments of Emma’s past and hearing echoes of his own heartbreak in almost all of them, he thinks it’s just tragic. 

Killian has lost all sense of how long they've been travelling. It feels simultaneously like hours and only a few minutes - he doesn't feel tired, but then he's technically still dead. He hadn't truly noticed before, but when he was residing in the Underworld physical needs and sensations had been somewhat muted. He tries to determine if they’ve made any progress but gives up when he realizes it’s too dark to make out any defining features or inconsistencies in the walls to use as markers. 

Ahead of him Emma keeps walking, shoulders straight and head held high. Killian marvels at her, even as everything in him aches to gather her in his arms and hold her. He'd long known that Emma was the strongest woman he'd ever met, but this is strength beyond all else. Killian's not sure he'd be able to pass the same test - he doubts he'd even make it a few meters - but Emma keeps moving.

The voices from Emma's past seem to taper off for a moment, and he has a brief hope that they're almost at the end when he hears Lady Snow's voice echo through the tunnel.

"It's not what I wanted...I want another go at it. I want to have another baby."

Emma pauses for a minute and breathes deeply; Killian clenches his fist so he doesn't reach for her. Even at the time he'd known that Snow's secret would cut Emma deeply. Now, having watched Emma and her parents try to build a relationship and having seen her and Snow falter more than once, he knows that part of Emma is still trying to deal with the pain that particular confession caused her.

Other bits of conversations with her parents follow: Snow and David announcing they're staying in Neverland, Snow's instinctive reprimand of Emma when her magic went haywire, even the naming announcement for young Neal.

Killian knows Emma's parents love her deeply, but he's seen firsthand how often they misread her or can't comprehend reactions that he finds perfectly reasonable. The backbone of his and Emma's relationship is how well they understand each other; it always pains him to watch David and Snow inadvertently reopen old wounds when they stumble over Emma's past.

The voices start coming closer together, and he can tell Emma is struggling now. Her shoulders have begun to hunch and she's walking even faster than before; he can only hope they're nearing the end of the tunnel. The voices are louder, too. He recognizes Merida calling Emma a monster in Camelot amid a cacophony of Rumplestiltskin, Nimue, and Merlin. He even thinks he hears Liam telling Emma she's not good enough, but he must be mistaken - it must be someone else being so condescending.

In between accusations from a betrayed Henry and what is likely King Arthur, he and Emma are subjected to every argument from their time as Dark Ones. Killian cringes as he calls her an anchor and a pretty blonde distraction, and again when he tells her she killed the good in him and left only Hook. With every angry word and recrimination Killian's self-loathing grows; he has been dreading this since he figured out the true test.

His nails dig into his palm as more of his own vitriol echoes around them.

"Of course I still have feelings for you: anger, hatred, disappointment," he says, sarcasm and rancor dripping from every word. He can hear Emma's breathing becoming uneven and it takes everything in him not to refute his spiteful words out loud. 

He remembers the rage at discovering what Emma had done in Camelot. He remembers feeling betrayed and wanting to lash out so that she felt even a fraction of the pain he did. As much as he'd like to blame it all on the Darkness, he knows some of it was his own. Even now, part of him can't wrap his head around why she'd so willingly condemn him to the depravity he'd fought so hard to free himself from.

He could perhaps understand her ignoring his wishes given that his life was on the line - were their roles reversed, he isn’t certain he wouldn’t have made the same choice. That said, her refusal to acknowledge that her decision was a violation of his trust was a large part of why her actions had cut him so deeply - it felt like she'd undermined the foundation of their relationship.

Still, as confused and hurt as he was (and frankly still is), he feels more like a villain than he ever did in two centuries of piracy and hate-fueled revenge when he hears himself profess his desire to hurt her like she hurt him. His vision blurs for a moment as he strains his eyes in the darkness, desperately looking for a sign that they’re approaching the end.

He tells Emma he loved her, past tense, and Emma stumbles in surprise. Killian hates that it’s his words causing her the most distress. He wants to shout, wants to drown out all the things he said in pain and anger - and in fear, if he's being honest with himself - with love and reassurance, but he can't. All he can do is clench his jaw even tighter and keep walking.

Dark Hook - because he's absolutely Hook in that moment, not Killian - says, "You're so afraid of losing the people you love you push them away. That's why you'll always be an orphan," and beneath the scorn he hears his own selfish fear that Emma will never trust herself enough to love him, hears his fear that he'll have to watch her tear herself apart and she’ll refuse to let him help her.

He says, "You don't need some villain sweeping in and destroying your happiness, you do that quite well on your own," and he hears his own insecurities, his fear that he’s the villain destined to destroy Emma's happiness and his own. 

Killian's vision blurs again and blinks so his eyes can adjust - the faint light is just barely beginning to grow stronger. 

"So much for our future, Swan," echoes around them, as bitter and betrayed as when Killian first said it. He recalls the anger of that moment, and buried underneath it the feeling of the rug being pulled out from under him. Emma’s assertion in the middlemist field that she wanted a future with him had been one of the few bright spots amid the tumult of their time in Camelot. He’d been thrilled that she finally seemed to be done running from her feelings.

After they’d both been infected with the Darkness, Emma’s plan to keep each other on the right path almost convinced him that perhaps they’d get their happy ending after all. Later, once they’d returned to Storybrooke without their memories, he’d held on to Operation Light Swan and Henry’s optimism. The vision of a future together bolstered his hope that they’d save Emma and vanquish the Dark One for good. 

Suddenly being confronted with the worst moments from Camelot had dashed that hope. The truth of Emma’s deception turned the dream of a life together into ash, and Killian had watched it disintegrate with a resentful sort of vindication: in the end he’d been right - villains don’t get happy endings, and it had only been a matter of time before he lost his.

It had been a bitter pill to swallow, but when the time came he sacrificed himself to save his family and accepted that his sacrifice would also have to include his chance at a future with the woman he loved.

Emma refusing to let him go again and appearing in the underworld to save him had briefly rekindled his hope that they’d make it work, but after running into obstacle after obstacle he’d become resigned to contenting himself with getting Emma home safely. Even Liam had pointed out that Killian and Emma’s future was a pipe dream. Liam’s insistence that he move on had been a harsh reminder that futures were for the living, which he was not. 

But no, that wasn’t quite right. In the end Liam had fought for him and his chance to go home. Everything he’d done had been to ensure that his little brother would have a future. Milah had sacrificed herself to help Emma save him from his torment. Emma herself had come down to the Underworld, their whole family alongside her, all so he and Emma could have a future together and build a life for themselves back in Storybrooke. 

He’d told Emma that he damn well intended to have a future - he isn’t going to give up on that promise now. Killian’s resolve returns and he stands a little straighter. He notices that the light that had been barely enough to see by has grown brighter, and as they follow the gentle curve of the tunnel the end comes into view. 

They step into the full daylight, squinting as their eyes adjust, but Emma keeps walking. She continues well past the mouth of the tunnel, not slowing down or breaking her stride even as the railway track curves away toward the horizon and the hard dirt path gives way to soft grass. Killian follows her without hesitation. 

He knows the moment he fully leaves the grasp of the Underworld - he feels more solid, more grounded. He can feel the sun on his face and the breeze in his hair and his heart beating in his chest. He's suddenly tired from walking for what was probably a few hours. He's hungry and sore and desperate to wash himself and it's wonderful. He's alive.

His brave lass doesn't turn around; she’s still taking a few extra steps, putting extra distance between herself and the tunnel. Killian jogs to catch up with her, then snags her arm with his hook and whirls her around into his arms like he’s been desperate to do since the first voices began to taunt them.

Emma lets out a small, startled cry as she's tilted off balance but he catches her easily and pulls her against his chest. She freezes for a moment before she exhales heavily against his neck and reaches up to clutch at his back.

"We did it," she whispers in disbelief.

For his part, Killian just holds her tighter, murmuring apologies and declarations of love into her hair. Emma leans back just enough so she can see his face and smiles.

"Killian, it's okay. We did it," she repeats, proud and assured this time.

"I love you," he says again, helpless to say anything else when she's smiling at him like that.

Emma wipes gently at his face with her thumbs and he realizes he's been crying - in the tunnel he hadn't even noticed. It doesn’t matter. They made it. 

He tugs her close again and closes his eyes as he rests his cheek against her head. He can feel her smiling into his throat. They’re not okay - he’s sure the tunnel will feature prominently in both of their nightmares for quite a while to come, and they haven’t even begun to discuss the events of Camelot or the days leading to his death. 

There are still arguments to be had and apologies to be made. Hashing everything out won’t be easy, but they have time for all of that now. They’ll be just fine, he thinks to himself. He has faith.

**Author's Note:**

> The tunnel that Emma and Killian walk through is based on a [real tunnel](https://d9yklpz6k1u7e.cloudfront.net/original/3X/4/e/4ed5e9ce48f962e2568588927d3cef22556f3254.jpeg) near where I live and it is sketchy as hell [at night](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e6/Wilkes_Street_Tunnel_%288433826369%29.jpg/1836px-Wilkes_Street_Tunnel_%288433826369%29.jpg).


End file.
